Friday, November 20, 2009

contemplations on - what is it - being a mother


I love kids.
Correction: I love other people's kids, primarily those of my friends, because I still don't have my own. Obviously, it is so easy and fun to play with them, and then return home and leave all the "dirty work" to their parents. After visiting one of my "parent" friends, I catch myself thinking all the time about their precious child, and moreover - talking about him/her to everyone I see. However, something tells me (clever me!) that such experiences are similar to those of a tourist visiting a new country and getting excited about it, while the reality of actually living there is slightly different.
My husband and I occasionally think about the times of when we are going to be parents, and while the issue that disturbs him is thinking about helping the kids with their homework (it's the thought of going back to school all over again), I'm worried about a much closer step - waking up at night. I know that the frequency of such disasters depends on each baby individually, but for me - even once is a nightmare. I LOVE TO SLEEP. And I know that all mothers say that quickly you get used to it, but.. I DON'T WANT to get used to that. I just want to sleep, and not to care about someone's crying, being hungry, pooping etc. I wonder if one can make a deal with her baby, say, by giving him more milk before he goes to sleep in order to win a couple of more hours of silence.
Another predicament is (I pay attention now that I keep sticking to the empty half of the glass, but, well, we are all aware of the full half, aren't we?) losing your freedom. Now here, what is interesting, is the common "agreement" that it is actually the mother who gets into the trap. What I mean is that if the father wants to leave - wherever, no matter what the reason is - he just leaves, in the best case informing his spouse about that. However, when - God forbid - the mother has plans beyond staying with the baby, she needs to discuss it way beforehand with another member of the family, because obviously nobody expects her to have a life apart from being a mother.
On one of the Dr. Phil (and yes, I watch it, it is one of my guilty pleasures) programs they talked about the mothers who feel guilty just by the thought of wanting to have some time for themselves. And he says, that it could be healthy for the mother to find time for herself, for it can give her better quality time afterward with her child.
We, women, have come a long way from being mere housewives to running companies and having a successful career. Luckily, God made us multi-tasking (and not the men), probably to make us able to juggle between the career and motherhood (I don't mention wifehood, because sometimes husbands are also an extra child...).
My mother-in-law says, that the only decision you cannot go back on is being a mother. Once the baby pops out - there's no way back.
Having said all that - we all know that children are a blessing ;)
So be fruitful and multiply (responsibly)!

6 comments:

  1. Honey, when one is ready to have a baby she/he would never think like I LOVE TO SLEEP, I JUST WANT TO SLEEP AND NOT TO CARE ABOUT SOMEONE...
    (your baby is not 'someone'), you'll feel different when you are ready.
    motherhood is really not a simple lifestyle and, sure, everything has it's price (FREEDOM whatever you mean by this).
    In spite of all - motherhood is the only way to understand WHAT REAL LOVE IS and HOW IT FEELS TO BE HAPPY.
    loving.

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  2. there is a lot of shit, also, in dealing with LA FAMILIA about everyday's activity and and it's advice servives.

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  3. Soooo true, i had similar thoughts before having a baby, "during" having a baby and now, post-having my baby! But now, you can't imagine your life WITHOUT YOUR BABY!!!!

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  4. though with a delay, i feel i need to clarify things here: all these thoughts aren't of course that serious - i DO want to be a mother very much, and i AM waiting for it, with all the anxiety of knowing it's only two of us with no help around. but i know it'll be just fine :)

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  5. i laughed out loud reading about your sleep concerns, i've had the same thoughts myself!

    as for loving other peoples kids - here's a stand-up sketch that i found hilarious (though occassionay offensive: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rcnXpOygKGI

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  6. thanks roni,
    this is really funny, though is definitely an unusual attitude towards your own kids :)
    ואני רואה שאנחנו דומות לא רק בסוג האינטרסים שלנו :)

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